Friday, April 20, 2007
A Rose By Another Other Name .. Would Smell As Sweet
Whats in a name?, a name defines us, it tell us who we are. With my upcomming nuptials coming up in November, many issues have been raised. Yes we both have different cultures, and different views. I joke to Sig about us being an interracial couple, she laughs it off, Lankans and Indians aren't any different. We may share the same colour skin and externally we make look from the same country, but our cultures are so different.
Traditionally when you get married, the woman takes on the man's name. I suppose there is a touch of chauvinism involved there, where back in the old days the man is saying that the woman now belongs to him and she should take his name as his property. So why do we still do it now?, now we say it's becuase it symbolic of two entities becoming one. But why is it always the man's name that is taken. As a male I would be adament in my refusal to take her surname to the point of being inexorable. In a sense it would be imasculating, and I know many would say this is rediculous to think this way, but in my minds eye it would be admitting to the fact that I am powerless in this relationship. In my mind I want Sig to take my name because it is her acknowledgement of being proud to bear my name, to one day have my child/children. That she is now accepting the burdeons and joys that I will experience in my life. I never doubted that she would take my name, nor did I suspect that anyone would be saddened by her losing her last name. Until I spoke to her borhter (who is in grade 6), he asked me if she would take my name. Without thinking I answered of course she would, he asked me why?. I didn't want to go into a philophical or deep and meaningful, because he is after all in grade 6 and would just be perplexed and also because he has the attention span of a kid in grade 6 lol. So I simple said that thats what just happens, but he then said no, he knew of people where the wife kept her last name, but I just simply said, no she would change her name. He simply said Oh and looked saddened. I wonder what his opinion would be when he is in my position, about to get married and his wife does not want to change her name, whether he would be willing to accpet his wife to not take his surname.
A surname is your legacy, it tells people where you came from, whereas your first name is representative of you as an individual. honestly I can't blame Sig if she does want to keep her last name because her first name is a beautiful indian name, my last name is a very typical anglo saxon name. Together they do not flow at all, and its quite an unsual combination, or perhaps its only because the name is still new in our minds and we haven't gotten used to using the two names together in the one sentence. But saying that I would be deeply hurt if she decides to not take my name, almost as if she is saying she is not accepting me into her life, I'm changing a lot for her, willing to accept her religion culture and language, her taking my name is a sense of her accepting me, of my religion and culture.
I know that this will not be the last time there will be a debate on names, our children will be something that we will continually debate. She wants our children to have Indian names whereas I want anglo saxon names. Certainly I would not mind if they have an Indian name as a middle name, but I simply don't know if I could call my children by an indian name as a first name but I think the most sensible answer that Sig eluded to was to have a an Indian name that was also a western name. To me I would have no issues with that, I think that that would be the best resolution the this matter, but thats a blog for another day.
So far Sig has never showed anything but acceptance of my last name and she has never said that she wouldn't take my last name. I personally would not blame her if in the Inidan community she used her maiden name as her last name, but it would be an honour for me if she takes my surname legally. If in the eyes of all others, legally and under God to have my surname as OUR surname, we are starting a new legacy, a new chapter in our lives, As One entity. Instead of being known as Sig and Ev's, I would love for people to know us as the Chapmans.
Traditionally when you get married, the woman takes on the man's name. I suppose there is a touch of chauvinism involved there, where back in the old days the man is saying that the woman now belongs to him and she should take his name as his property. So why do we still do it now?, now we say it's becuase it symbolic of two entities becoming one. But why is it always the man's name that is taken. As a male I would be adament in my refusal to take her surname to the point of being inexorable. In a sense it would be imasculating, and I know many would say this is rediculous to think this way, but in my minds eye it would be admitting to the fact that I am powerless in this relationship. In my mind I want Sig to take my name because it is her acknowledgement of being proud to bear my name, to one day have my child/children. That she is now accepting the burdeons and joys that I will experience in my life. I never doubted that she would take my name, nor did I suspect that anyone would be saddened by her losing her last name. Until I spoke to her borhter (who is in grade 6), he asked me if she would take my name. Without thinking I answered of course she would, he asked me why?. I didn't want to go into a philophical or deep and meaningful, because he is after all in grade 6 and would just be perplexed and also because he has the attention span of a kid in grade 6 lol. So I simple said that thats what just happens, but he then said no, he knew of people where the wife kept her last name, but I just simply said, no she would change her name. He simply said Oh and looked saddened. I wonder what his opinion would be when he is in my position, about to get married and his wife does not want to change her name, whether he would be willing to accpet his wife to not take his surname.
A surname is your legacy, it tells people where you came from, whereas your first name is representative of you as an individual. honestly I can't blame Sig if she does want to keep her last name because her first name is a beautiful indian name, my last name is a very typical anglo saxon name. Together they do not flow at all, and its quite an unsual combination, or perhaps its only because the name is still new in our minds and we haven't gotten used to using the two names together in the one sentence. But saying that I would be deeply hurt if she decides to not take my name, almost as if she is saying she is not accepting me into her life, I'm changing a lot for her, willing to accept her religion culture and language, her taking my name is a sense of her accepting me, of my religion and culture.
I know that this will not be the last time there will be a debate on names, our children will be something that we will continually debate. She wants our children to have Indian names whereas I want anglo saxon names. Certainly I would not mind if they have an Indian name as a middle name, but I simply don't know if I could call my children by an indian name as a first name but I think the most sensible answer that Sig eluded to was to have a an Indian name that was also a western name. To me I would have no issues with that, I think that that would be the best resolution the this matter, but thats a blog for another day.
So far Sig has never showed anything but acceptance of my last name and she has never said that she wouldn't take my last name. I personally would not blame her if in the Inidan community she used her maiden name as her last name, but it would be an honour for me if she takes my surname legally. If in the eyes of all others, legally and under God to have my surname as OUR surname, we are starting a new legacy, a new chapter in our lives, As One entity. Instead of being known as Sig and Ev's, I would love for people to know us as the Chapmans.
your love is like a shadow at 6:23 pm
1 said we can't be wrong together
1 said we can't be wrong together